John Terry is a hilarious stand-up king

Posted on May 29th, 2008 in Idiots, International, fun by Left back

Speaking after scoring a goal in last night’s game against the mighty USA, John Terry said:

I’ve shown that I’m a big man. I take full responsibility for what happened in Moscow but I’m a man for the big games and I’ve shown that.

Firstly, anyone who says ‘I am a big man’ is opening himself up for the kind of ridicule and scorn normally reserved for men who thump their chests and say ‘Come on then! Come on then!’ in a pub fight and then get knocked out with one punch.

And let’s be clear, scoring in a meaningless friendly against relatively poor opposition like the USA does not make you a ‘big man’, nor is it a big game. Had he saved this kind of empty rhetoric for next season when he scored the winner against United or Arsenal or Liverpool in a crucial league game then you might say he has a point, but to do it after last night’s goal was just plain daft.

This was the best bit though:

That goal was for the fans and in particular the Chelsea fans who have been great to me and really helped me through it. That was for them.

Wow, I’m sure they’re grateful for an England goal.

‘Forget the Champions League, at least JT scored against England and he dedicated it to us! I feel so much better now!!’

Give this man his own TV show.

Time to rethink transfers?

Posted on May 28th, 2008 in Transfers, tapping up by Left back

With all the fuss over Cristiano Ronaldo and Real Madrid isn’t it time to rethink the way the transfer market works?

Real have obviously sounded out the player and his agent before launching their Marca led media offensive for the player. Ronaldo, if he wanted, could kill the whole thing stone dead by categorically committing his future, for next season at least, to United. He has failed to do so and the whole thing rumbles on. United’s ire is understandable but Ferguson can hardly claim the higher ground on this one with cases like Stam and van Nistelrooy under his belt.

But what Madrid are doing is no different to what clubs all across Europe are doing right now. Agents are being contacted to see if their player would be agreeable to a move to a certain club, perhaps certain things will be offered, and then the club will approach the player’s club to make an offer. It’s just on a smaller scale.

We’ve seen high profile cases in the past - Patrick Vieira courted constantly by Real Madrid, Thierry Henry by Barcelona, Steven Gerrard by Chelsea and so on. Clubs talk about reporting the offenders to FIFA but nothing is ever done. Things continue the same way all the time.

So what can we do about it? Either accept this is the way things work or implement new measures to try and give clubs some control over the players. With the Bosman rule and the Webster clause the transfer market is going through a serious upheaval. No longer can a club say ‘You’re under contract, you’re not leaving’, as players can now buy out their deals. At some point a high profile Webster case will happen and that will open the floodgates.

The behaviour of agents won’t change, they’ll still strive to make as much money as possible for their client (and themselves), often at the expense of the footballing side of a player’s career. Kudos to the agent of Steve Sidwell who ensured his client got a £52,000 a week deal at Chelsea last summer. But then a player who was being spoken about as a possible international started only a handful of games and his career has gone backwards while he’s gotten richer.

I’m not quite sure what the point I’m trying to make is. It might be that the transfer market is fucked up anyway and there’s not much we can do to fix it. Unless clubs have real evidence that their player has been tapped up, and that would require the player and his agent to confirm it as the other club certainly won’t, nothing can be done about it.

Is there any way to make agents behave like decent people? Is there any way of stopping a player wanting to leave a club when he’s being offered three times as much money elsewhere? Is loyalty a thing of the past or does it require purchasing these days?

Your thoughts are very welcome.

Champions League comedy blockbuster

Posted on May 22nd, 2008 in Champions League, funny, penalties by Left back

It’s a small man who takes pleasure in another’s misery.

I look at John Terry’s weeping countenance and I admit it freely, I am that small man. I also enjoyed Drogba, the great big bottler, getting sent off. He didn’t fancy a penalty and took the easy way out. English football won’t miss his drama and histrionics no matter how many goals he scores.

What’s great is that basking in the pain of Terry allows me to ignore the fact that United won it. Thank you, JT, thank you.

On the other hand Avram Grant was quietly dignified, consoling a man who many suggest might have been one of those voices from within the dressing room leaking stories to the press about the Israeli’s supposed ineptitude.

On another note, what the hell was Peter Kenyon doing leading the team up to get the medals? He really is a despicable man - but then as a ‘life long red’ his night surely had a silver lining.

My final Premier League accumulator of the season

Posted on May 11th, 2008 in Premiership, betting by Left back

So, it’s the final day of the season. There’s much to be decided although I think I’ve got it sussed.

United will win the title despite Chelsea beating Bolton because they’ll spank Wigan to kingdom come. At the bottom I think Birmingham will lose to Blackburn and Fulham will lose to Portsmouth because the Portsmouth players, having been off the ball since reaching the cup final, will be giving it 100% today to ensure their Wembley places. Reading will beat Derby.

Everton will clinch the final UEFA Cup place with a win over Newcastle. And that will be that. If the other results come in then I’m going to be up a couple of quid. I might buy you a pint if I win. Click for big…

accumfinal

Benitez really has balls of steel

Posted on May 8th, 2008 in Managers, Money, Premiership, Transfers by Left back

You have to admire Rafa Benitez. Peter Crouch hardly gets a look in all season, the manager preferring to play the hard working but goal shy Kuyt ahead of him and deciding he’ll keep the frankly rubbish Voronin over him, yet there’s a £15m price tag slapped on his head.

Amazing. Crouch is a decent Premier League player but how can he justify asking for that kind of money when, if he really was a £15m player, he’d surely have played more games this season?

Blogwatch: Caught Offside hits rock bottom

Posted on May 6th, 2008 in Idiots, blogs by Left back

I know as part of the Sportingo network we shouldn’t expect much from Caught Offside but making paedophile jokes as part of their headlines really is too much.

I’ve now deleted the link from this site to Caught Offside.

Fucking pathetic, guys. Really, truly pathetic.

Related: How to write like Sportingo.

All still to play for at the top and the bottom

Posted on May 6th, 2008 in Premiership by Left back

There’s lots to be decided on the final day of the Premier League season. Who will be Champions, United or Chelsea? It’s sort of like asking how you’d like to be killed.

‘Shot in the face, sir, or hung from a bannister?’

Arsenal will finish third, Liverpool fourth. In three years Benitez still hasn’t managed a title challenge. Take the once in a lifetime circumstances of the Champions League win out of the equation and he still has a lot to prove as the manager of Liverpool. Again he’s talking about needing three or four players in the summer but he says that every summer. It’ll be interesting to me to see how much more time he gets.

I wonder, and Liverpool fans can give me their view on this, if the boardroom antics didn’t do him a favour this year. Did he get a more vociferous backing from the fans because of the way he was treated by the owners? Would he have come in for more criticism if that hadn’t happened?

At the bottom it’s one from Birmingham, Reading, Fulham and Bolton.

The fixtures see Birmingham play Blackburn at home, Reading play Derby away, Fulham travel to FA Cup focussed Portsmouth while Bolton will be at Stamford Bridge to play Chelsea. Bolton’s goal difference could save them, they’re 11 better off than Reading who you would expect to beat Derby.

If I was a betting man I’d put my money on Birmingham and Fulham. Portsmouth have been rubbish since they got to the cup final, too many players making sure they don’t pick up an injury, but this week I think they’ll all be giving it 110% to make sure the manager notices them. So I see Fulham and Birmingham losing, Reading winning and Bolton getting beaten but unless they get a load spanked past them they’ll survive.

For those writing on the site please feel free to get together your Premier League team of the season. First XI and 5 subs, please. It’ll be interesting to see how they all differ.

Left Back in the Championship

Posted on May 2nd, 2008 in football league by Jay

It is the final day of the Championship season on Sunday and, finally, one of the most surreal years in the division’s history will be coming to an exciting conclusion. West Brom are all but promoted after taking a point against Southampton on Monday, but the question of who will be joining them for those glamorous trips to the Riverside and Ewood Park is less clear.

Stoke vs Leicester is undoubtedly the match of the day as Tony Pulis’ side look to claim the point they need for automatic promotion - anything more than that could steal away the title from WBA – while they can also send Leicester into League One. Beneath them, Hull City will be hoping to end that stat about being the largest city in Europe never to have hosted top-flight football, while Bristol City have the serenity of knowing their playoff spot is assured.

Beneath the aforementioned though, there will be plenty of itchy-bum syndrome as no less than five clubs do battle for two playoff positions. Watford currently occupy fifth, with Crystal Palace sitting in sixth, but do not let those positions fool you, the Hornets are a side in dire need of a lift having put their supporters through hell over the last five months, while Palace are rejuvenated after the shambolic reign of Peter Taylor with Neil Warnock at the helm. Wolves, Ipswich and Sheff Utd are the chasing pack – expect fireworks as they meet Plymouth, Hull and Southampton respectively.

Things are no less clear at the bottom of the table as Southampton, Leicester, Sheffield Wednesday, Coventry and Blackpool all look to avoid the drop. Four of those five are former Premier League teams and, as Nottingham Forest will no doubt testify, once you go down, there is very little to guarantee coming straight back up. It appears as if the Saints are in the most trouble though currently sitting in the bottom three with a –17 goal difference. I hate to utter phrases such as ‘I told you so’ (lie: I love it) but click here for my opinions on the appointment of Nigel Pearson as first team manager back in February.

Will Hull end their hoodoo? Will Watford choke away a playoff spot? Is it the end for Leicester City and the reign of Ian Holloway?

The Championship and Hull City

Posted on May 2nd, 2008 in Football by Left back

I’m looking forward to Jay’s post about the Championship after his excellent round-ups of League 1 and League 2.

I’ve got my beady eyes on the top of the table, I have to say. Although an Arsenal fan as long as I can remember the first ever ground I visited was Boothferry Park to watch Hull City. I remember Tony Norman playing in goal and crowds were so low you could hear him bellow at his defenders.

“**&%&% &£^** %*%& **% YOU *%8**^&& %**&%**’s”, he’d roar.

“What does **&%&% &£^** %*%& **% YOU *%8**^&& %**&%**’s mean?”, I’d innocently ask my father who was most uncomfortable at the question from his 8 year old son.

So for that reason alone I’d love to see Hull City go up this weekend. No offence to any Stoke fans but I hope they bottle it.

Come on the Tigers.

Left Back in League One

Posted on May 1st, 2008 in football league by Jay

Onto League One today and it is all a bit of a mess. Swansea are already up as (potential) Champions courtesy of a fantastic season under the stewardship of Roberto Martinez, but, for the chasing trio of Doncaster, Carlisle and Nottingham Forest, nothing can be settled until the arbitration hearing over Leeds’ 15-point deduction has been wrapped up later today. The fall out if United were to be given their points back has the potential to be monstrous, with Doncaster chairman John Ryan stating it would be a ‘sad day for football’ if such a situation was to arise.

Ignoring any such possible plight for the time being though, it is Rovers who sit in the driving seat, needing a win against relegation threatened Cheltenham to secure promotion. There is sure to be plenty of drama before 4.45pm on Saturday afternoon though with Carlisle meeting Bournemouth and Gillingham facing Leeds in a cruel top vs bottom twist that only the fixture computer could chuck up a good 10 months in advance. Crewe are also in the mire and one of the aforementioned sides will join the already relegated Port Vale and Luton in League Two.

Tomorrow: The Championship.