Bent as a nine-bob note
£18 million for Darren Bent! And it’s been turned down!
Welcome to the new-look Premiership, where foreign capital provokes ridiculous bids for half-decent players.
Wenger gets his revenge
Patience is a virtue, as they say, and months after the incident at Upton Park which saw Arsene Wenger lose his rag with Alan Pardew for his terrible dancing the Arsenal manager has gotten his revenge.
Alexandre Song will join Charlton on loan until the end of the season. Can you imagine the converstation?
*ring ring*
Pardew: Arsene, I’m in the shit here. I really need a midfielder. How about Diaby?
Wenger: No, sorry. We need him.
Pardew: What about Denilson? He looked good in the Carling Cup.
Wenger: Sorry, we need him as well. Tell you what though. I can give you Alex Song. He’s much, much better than he looks on the telly!
Pardew: Really?
Wenger: Oh yes. Seriously. He’s top quality and the only reason he’s not in the first team here is that we have five other midfielders who are so beyond World Class that they make him look bad. Put him alongside Matt Holland though and he’ll shine. I promise.
Pardew: Ok, brilliant! We’ll pay his wages too.
Wenger: Super, I’ll put him in a taxi, he’ll be with you by the afternoon.
Pardew: Thanks, Arsene. You’re a pal.
*click*
Wenger: *rubs hands together in black and white film villain style*. Hey, Pat Rice, you’ll never guess what I just did!
Ronaldo move to Milan breaks down
Officially the story is that no agreement could be reached but Left Back can exclusively reveal that AC Milan offered a straight fee for the Brazilian striker but Madrid’s insistence on a pay per weigh deal meant the transfer fell through.
Based on a per kilo calculation the move would have cost the Italians €245,059,495,237,446.98c.
How can Liverpool sign Mascherano?
Liverpool have stepped up efforts to sign the Argentinian from West Ham despite FIFA rules which state a player cannot play for more than 2 clubs in a 12 month period. Rafa Benitez says:
We know the rule says he cannot play for three clubs, but he is unable to play at West Ham and we must take into consideration the law, and the law is more important than the rules. He is unable to work at the moment, nobody can say you cannot work.
A bit ambiguous, surely? He may not like it at West Ham and West Ham may not like him or fancy him as player (for reasons best known to themselves because he’s a class act in my opinion) but nobody is denying him the opportunity to work. He has a contract with West Ham. As well as that surely the rules Benitez talks about only apply to EU citizens and Mascherano certainly isn’t one of those.
If the move is sanctioned it gives Liverpool an unfair advantage over other clubs who are unable to sign players who are stymied by this same rule. It will be interesting to see what happens because if it’s ok for one club then it has to be ok for others. Will the floodgates open?
What is it about Marco Materazzi’s face?
Everything I’d suggest.
You have to admire Charlton’s determination to be relegated
Ah. I’m sure the rest of the Premiership are quaking in their boots. As the transfer window hurtles towards its close, you have to say: Charlton are screwed. The only bit of good news about them is that they managed to sell Djimi Traore.
In the next few days, expect to see plenty of panic buying. I expect West Ham to be at the fore, though Aston Villa may wish to follow up the purchase of Ashley Young with a £15m swoop for Titus Bramble.
The best chip ever
Who ate all the pies asks was Wayne Rooney’s chipped goal at the weekend the best chipped goal ever? I’ve seen Dennis Bergkamp score a few in his time, one in particular against Sheffield United springs to mind. Couldn’t find that though so here’s a very young Dennis doing it for Ajax. This is up there with Rooney’s for me because he actually had to beat two defenders before scoring.
Is Matthew Upson retarded?
The Birmingham defender is upset that a potential move to West Ham has been blocked over disagreements surrounding the fee.
If I was him I’d be happy as Larry that a move to West Ham had been ruled out. Despite the money they’re throwing around they still look like they’re going to have to scrap for their lives to avoid going down. On the other hand Birmingham are in a great position to gain automatic promotion to the Premiership and even if they didn’t he would surely have the choice of a number of top flight clubs in the summer.
A move at this stage can only be motivated by money. He cannot seriously want to go to West Ham for footballing reasons.
Alan McAnally is either blind or a moron
Just watching Barcelona v Celta Vigo on Sky and Gio van Bronckhorst dived from outside the area, tumbled into the box and the ref gave a penalty to Barcelona.
As they showed the replay again and again, each time showing there had been no contact whatsoever, McAnally was saying “Oh, that’s a bad decision” but when you expect him to slaughter van Bronkhorst for diving he says the bad decision was because the contact was outside the box.
THERE WAS NO CONTACT AT ALL. It was a dive. How could he possibly watch three or four replays from different angles which all showed it was a dive and not see it?
Why is it that commentators see things in games none of us see yet they’re the supposed experts?